The People's Equalibrium of Northern Zalmania is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Comrade Tsar Nicholas Darz with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, complete lack of prisons, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, devout population of 2.274 billion Egalitarians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sonér. The average income tax rate is 83.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Northern Zalmanian economy, worth 307 trillion Digital Chronons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 135,164 Digital Chronons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to Aequalitas, government popup ads are springing up like weeds, Northern Zalmanian watches list strained wrists as a common side effect, and the national colors help to make everyone look slimmer. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Northern Zalmania's national animal is the Sonérian Penguin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Aequalitas.

Northern Zalmania is ranked 13,087^th in the world and 780^th in Lazarus for Highest Food Quality, scoring 143.41 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.